My Honest Experience With Meditation (And Why I Thought I Was Bad at It)
A personal reflection on meditation, wandering thoughts, and letting go of doing it “right”.
For a long time, I believed meditation simply wasn’t for me.
I’d sit down with good intentions, close my eyes… and within moments my mind would be elsewhere. Thinking about emails. Replaying conversations. Planning the rest of the day. Wondering whether it was working.
I assumed this meant I was doing it wrong.
I imagined that other people must have quieter minds, more patience, some natural ability I seemed to lack. So I quietly decided meditation wasn’t my thing and moved on.
It took a while to realise that this belief — not my wandering thoughts — was the real problem.
Why I Thought Meditation Wasn’t for Me
Most of what I’d absorbed about meditation suggested stillness and silence. Calm minds. People sitting peacefully, unaffected by the mental noise that followed me everywhere.
My experience felt very different.
When I tried to meditate, my thoughts felt louder, not quieter. Sitting still gave my mind more space to run, and I quickly became frustrated. That frustration alone made meditation feel like effort, another thing to get wrong.
So I stopped trying. Not dramatically, just quietly. I told myself my life was too busy, or that I’d come back to it one day.
What I Eventually Learned About Meditation
What changed wasn’t my ability to focus, it was my understanding of what meditation actually is.
At some point, I heard someone say that meditation isn’t about stopping thoughts. It’s about noticing them.
That stayed with me.
I realised I’d been judging my experience instead of observing it. Every wandering thought wasn’t proof of failure, it was part of the practice. The noticing. The returning. The gentle awareness of what was happening.
Once I let go of the idea that my mind needed to be quiet, meditation felt less confrontational and far more approachable.
A Wandering Mind Isn’t a Failure
I still have a wondering mind when I meditate.
The difference now is that I don’t see that as a problem. Thoughts come and go. Sometimes I get caught up in them. Sometimes I notice straight away.
And when I do notice, I return to the breath, to the body, or simply to sitting.
That’s it.
Letting Go of Doing It “Right”
The biggest shift came when I stopped trying to meditate the way I thought I should.
Some days it’s a few minutes of sitting quietly. Some days it’s noticing my breath while I’m still in bed. Some days it’s barely anything at all, just a moment of awareness before moving on.
And that’s enough.
Meditation stopped feeling like a performance and became a simple check-in.
What Meditation Looks Like for Me Now
Meditation hasn’t made my mind silent or my life perfectly calm. It hasn’t removed stress or stopped difficult days from happening.
What it has done is soften my relationship with my own thoughts.
I’m less likely to believe everything my mind tells me. More able to notice when I’m tense or overwhelmed, and respond with a little more kindness.
And perhaps most importantly, I no longer think there’s something wrong with me for finding it hard.
If You’ve Ever Thought You Were “Bad” at Meditation
If meditation has ever left you feeling restless, frustrated, or like you’re failing, you’re not alone.
You don’t need a quiet mind. You don’t need long sessions. You don’t need to do it perfectly.
You just need to notice what’s there, and return when you can. Focus on breathing, there are many types of breath work, I focus on counting a 5 second breath inhale, a 2 second hold, and 6 second exhale. This helps tramendously and even a short amount of time doing that has noticeable effects.
Take time, give it a go if you never have and see how it feels if this is a new eprspective for you. It might make a significant difference for you.